- I have a boy of 3 and a half years, which is very spoiled and if we do not like them start to scream. I tried to take it with the beautiful and the beat, but for nothing. Please advise me because I do not know how to get along with him. I do not like that I have to be tougher with him but this is often the only solution. Thank you!Answer:
You even say that he is a spoiled child. You probably did not consider until the age of 3 that a child so young needs rules and, as a result, you have satisfied all his whims.
Now, when your child is older, you already notice the effects of your overly tolerant attitude. At the same time, around the age of 3, the period of "no" begins - when most children refuse to listen to their parents to assert their autonomy, to demonstrate "who they are". It is a more difficult time when children need to be helped to manage their emotional and behavioral reactions. Also in this stage of child development, the famous anger crises appear which exasperate many parents. But a child does not immediately discipline himself with the beat. However, it will be necessary for you - your parents to change your attitude towards him. Changing the parents' attitude generates a change in the child's behavior.
Therefore, it is good to create a relationship based on communication. When the child asks for something and you are forced to refuse it for objective reasons, do not immediately say "no". Explain to him first the reason why what he asks for cannot be done. Be calm when giving explanations.
If the little one starts screaming, tell him he can scream until he can't, but if he continues to do it, you'll cancel something else that he likes. For example: you don't go to the park together that afternoon, or buy the toy he wants, etc.
However, it is mandatory, as you promised, to keep your word. Thus the child will see that his attitude is wrong and that he can bear the consequences of his negative behavior. If the child has a crisis of anger and does not stop screaming even if you have given him these explanations, if you start yelling at him you will only manage to amplify his crisis and make you very angry. From that moment, you interrupt any explanation, and you just tell them to go to another room until it is quiet, or, take it yourself there and tell them to wait 5 minutes until it calms down and come when it has passed.
Children do not have the notion of time at this age, but if you communicate the time period, you will not feel punished and abandoned, just suggest that it is a state that will pass quickly. Keep calm in these situations, because you manage to pass on your condition to the child as well.
During the crisis let him scream, do not go to him (if you have applied the method described above), and if he still stays near you, do not talk to him, pay him no attention, and if he clings to you, detach it firmly (without breaking it!), look at it with an expression of annoyance and say only so much (without repeating it endlessly!): "we speak only when you relax".
Diana Paula Stoian,
Specialist in Child Psychology